It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I need moral support for this bender
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
