You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
