You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
