i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
