Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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