If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
