I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
