"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
