i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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