insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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