What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
