If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
