If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
