yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
