Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
