apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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