Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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