my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
