Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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