She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
