considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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