she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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