u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
