whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
farters have to be the big spoon...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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