you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
