if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
