she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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