I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
