if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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