You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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