A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
