you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she woke up with a sticky ear
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
