Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's never too late to be topless.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
