Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
