she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
