Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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