Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
