Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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