trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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