Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
