she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
