I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
