You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
