Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
