Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
