trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
