i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
