your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
