Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
