let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
