it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
