I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
