We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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