Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
