You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
