it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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